Sunday, February 26, 2017

Why I Don't Want a Wedding Ring

Note: I absolutely do not mean this as any kind of an argument against wedding rings, there is nothing at all wrong with wanting one. This is on my mind because my ex had a problem with me not wanting a wedding ring if we had gotten married, so I wanted to explain once and for all why I don't want one:

1. I don't personally care about diamonds, or any real gemstones. I love jewelry, but for me, jewelry is purely a fashion statement, I don't care one way or another if a stone is "real" or not, I only care about how it looks. And I'm not that into stones like diamonds anyway because they're boring - I prefer blown-glass earrings and earrings that are shaped like fun things. Even if I could afford to shop in fancy jewelry stores, I wouldn't because those styles do not appeal to me, I prefer to shop for jewelry at card stores and resort areas and street fairs. Aside from the earrings that I got my ears pierced with, I think the most I've ever spent on a pair of earrings was like $30, and I have a lot of earrings that I love. I would just feel kind of silly spending so much money (or asking someone else to spend the money) on something that isn't even my style.

2. I wouldn't wear the ring every day, or even most days. In general, I'm not willing to wear something that isn't my style and doesn't go with my outfit that day just because it means something to me. Like, I'd probably do that for a little while, but I eventually stop and want to wear something else instead. I've gone through lots of phases of having jewelry that meant a lot to me that I wore every day, then I'd find something else and that would be the new thing I wore every day. The fact that it was my wedding ring would not change that.

For my eight grade graduation, my parents got me a ring with my birthstone. It was a really nice ring, it was really special because it was from my parents and for my graduation. I wore the ring a lot (but not every single day) for about a year, and I would tell people that it was a special gift from my parents. After my first year of high school, I started wearing it less frequently. My second year of high school, I got my class ring, which meant a lot to me because I loved my high school, and it was more current than my eight grade graduation ring. I wore my class ring a lot. Sometimes I would wear both rings together, but eventually, I didn't wear the graduation ring much anymore and only wore my class ring. After I left high school, I don't think I wore either of them again. Mt graduation ring is still special to me because it was from my parents, but it's not something that I wear anymore.

For my high school graduation, my parents got me my first Ipod. I used that Ipod every single day for seven and a half years. I wore it into the ground until it had practically no battery life and wouldn't last a long car ride without being plugged in. What I learned from this experience is that, while I am very grateful for that graduation ring, if someone is going to spend a lot of money on me, I would prefer that they spend it on something that I will get a lot of use out of.

I just wouldn't wear a wedding ring every day, I would probably only wear it sometimes, but I would feel like I was *expected* to wear it every day if someone spent so much money on it, and because it's a tradition.

3. Part of the reason I would not wear a wedding ring everyday is that being married to someone is not the most important thing to me. It would be important, but I don't think I'd be okay with wearing a ring to show the world I was married while not wearing anything to show the world anything else about me. I mean, I wouldn't be wearing an item of jewelry from every person I care deeply about, so the wedding ring would automatically put my spouse above everyone else, and I don't want to do that. Other people would not be less important to me just because I was married. And I also would not be wearing a piece of jewelry that says that I'm a writer, or anything else about me, so symbolically, that puts being married above those things. Being married would only be one fact about me, it would not be more important than being a writer or a beach-partier or anything else that I am. Heck, I actually have a customized necklace that says "Untamable Spirit" and I don't even wear that every day! So to wear my wedding ring every day would symbolize that being married was the most important thing to me (or the most important thing to inform other people about), which it would not be.

So that's why I don't want a wedding ring, and I would not marry someone who was going to push that on me because of tradition.

Something I Wish More People Understood

Have you ever woken up to find that your car won't start because you left the lights on all night and it drained the battery? And it may seem strange. It may seem like the lights should have a separate battery, the only the lights should burn out but the rest of the car should be fine. But it doesn't work that way. The car only has one battery, and if you leave something on when the motor is off, when the gasoline isn't replenishing the car, the entire battery will die.

I am one person. I have one battery. I don't have separate batteries for each thing I do. Anytime I spend energy on something, that energy is gone. It's not there for me to use on anything else. I can't do anything else until I've had plenty of time to replenish, the same way you can't drive anywhere unless you put gas in the car. No matter how small of a thing you think I'm doing, remember that it's costing me energy, the same way that leaving on that tiny little light inside the car will drain the entire battery. I only have one battery.

Friday, February 24, 2017

Setting the Bar

I don't find it particularly worthwhile to just sit and stare at a metal bar all day. Maybe some people are into that sorta thing, but it's just not for me. If someone told me to keep staring at the metal bar because if I did, I'd get to see something happen, I would look for a little while, but I would eventually get bored and decide to do something else with my time.

When you set the bar really high for me - that is, you have high expectations of me when I have not consented to meeting those expectations (like, expecting me to behave like a responsible adult and be functional and unentitled and polite and all that) - I am NOT going to ever meet those expectations, I will never rise to the challenge. What I will do is walk away entirely. If you set that bar, I will walk away and you will never see me reach it because I will refuse.

So if you like to set those kinds of sky-high expectations of non-consenting people such as myself, I hope you enjoy staring at metal bars all day long with no one reaching them or climbing them or anything, because that is what you will be left doing when I walk away from the high bar that you have set for me. 

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Never Stray (My Version of Break Away)

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
We’d just go make our own fun
Running through the rainstorm
Or pillow forts to keep warm
Play all day

If I ever freaked out
I knew I could reach out
Knew my friends would all hear me
In your arms I’m strong here
I know I belong here
Every day
So I’ll never stray

I'll spread my wings and continue to fly
Safe on your shoulders I just reach the sky
And I'll grab your hand
Hold you close
Hold on tight
And always stay
May travel away for a day just for fun
But always come home to the ones that I love
And I'll grab your hand
Hold you close
Hold on tight
And never stray

Running through the warm breeze
Climbing up a tall tree
Water fights in the ocean
Sledding down a fast hill
Praying this will last till
All our days.
I’ll always stay

I'll spread my wings and continue to fly
Safe on your shoulders I just reach the sky
And I'll grab your hand
Hold you close
Hold on tight
And always stay
May travel away for a day just for fun
But always come home to the ones that I love
And I'll grab your hand
Hold you close
Hold on tight
And never stray

This is where I belong
Don’t you try to say I’m wrong
I know I never wanna leave here
You can keep moving on, moving on
But I’ll stay, never stray

I'll spread my wings and continue to fly
Don’t think for a second I’d tell you goodbye
And I'll grab your hand
Hold you close
Hold on tight
And always stay
No matter how far for a day I may run
I’ll always be home in the place I come from
And I'll grab your hand
Hold you close
Hold on tight

And always stay
Never stray
Never stray

Monday, February 20, 2017

Accepting Apologies

Something I want to work on this year is actually saying "I accept your apology" or something along those lines. I've never said that before - I've always just said, "That's okay" in response to people apologizing, but I don't want to say that stuff is okay when it was truly not okay. I've always said it, I've never known any other way of accepting an apology, so this year I really really want to practice just saying "I accept your apology." Or maybe that's too formal-sounding. I once heard someone say "Thank you for apologizing," so maybe some form of thanking the person for apologizing would sound less formal. I don't want to sound formal or polite or like I'm giving a scripted response, I just want to say something other than "it's okay" in cases where the action was not okay.

On Not Growing Up

Whenever people tell someone else to "Grow up," they seem to mean one of these three things:

1. Stop doing what you want and start doing what you're supposed to.
2. Stop reacting to this thing the way that you are reacting.
3. Accept this thing that is not acceptable to you.

If you've heard other meanings, feel free to add to this list, because I haven't.

I have no intention of doing any of the things listed above, therefore, I will never grow up.

Sunday, February 19, 2017

30 TV Show Challenge in One Day

1. A Show that Should Have Never Been Cancelled: Ghostwriter! That was one of the coolest shows ever and it got cancelled when I was little and was just getting into it. Ghostwriter is a mystery show for younger kids, but I was slightly too young for it when it was on - I liked it some of the time, but there were parts that were too boring to follow, too much talking, that sort of thing. I started watching it again on YouTube a few years ago, but I missed getting to see it when I was at the exact right age where the pacing would have been just right for me.

Also, it's never revealed on the show who Ghostwriter is, but we get some clues, and the kids say in the first episode that maybe they can eventually help ghostwriter figure out who he is. It was revealed in 2010 that ghostwriter used to be a slave who had escaped and was secretly teaching people how to read out in the woods. He was caught and murdered but his spirit lived on, and that's why he can read and travel from word to word. If the show had not been cancelled, I assume that at some point, they would have done an episode where the kids figured this out and it would have been amazing!

2. A Show that You Wish More People Were Watching: Wimzie's House. I've re-watched it in recent years and I am seriously impressed with how validating it is. All of the adults on the show are so validating to the children's feelings, there isn't a strong sense of hierarchy or "do this because I said so," and they go in depth to explain a lot of things. I wish kids today still had Wimzie's House.

3.Your Favorite New Show (aired this season): I really don't have one because almost all the shows I watch are older shows. Arthur and Fairly OddParents are still having new seasons, but the new seasons are not as good as the old ones. The only new shows I watch that are actually running on TV right now are Switched at Birth and The Fosters, and these are nowhere near my favorites.

4. Your Favorite Show Ever: This is a really tough call, but probably a tie between Arthur and Full House.

5. A Show You Hate: Any reality show where the whole purpose is to put people down.

6. Favorite Episode of Your Favorite TV Show: My favorite episode of Full House is "Secret Admirer." With Arthur, it's too hard to pick, there are so many.

7. Least Favorite Episode of Your Favorite TV Show: From Arthur, "DW Queen of the Comeback," basically pushing kids to turn the other cheek and ignore it when someone is teasing them, rather than fighting back. And use of a victim-blaming fairy tale. Also, I hate "Channel Chasers" from Fairly OddParents because it's all about having to grow up.

8. A Show Everyone Should Watch: I'd say either Wimzie's House or Ghostwriter. Or Sesame Street from the 1990s.

9. Best Scene Ever: It's hard to pick, but I love the scene in Fairly OddParents Abracatastrophe where Timmy reveals the existence of his fairies in order to save the world. And I also love the poetry scenes in As Told by Ginger "And She Was Gone."

10. A Show You Thought You Wouldn't Like but Ended Up Loving: Almost all the PBS kid shows from when I was little fell into this category - I never liked new shows taking the time slots of old shows, but I ended up liking a lot of the new shows once I watched them.

11. A Show that Disappointed You: Hannah Montana. I used to love Disney Channel shows, and Hannah Montana was sort of the turning point where I stopped enjoying the new ones. I expected Hannah Montana to be just as good as That's So Raven or Lizzie McGuire, and I thought I would especial love it since I was an aspiring singing star at the time as well, but it ended up feeling too showy and not as real as the other shows.

12. An Episode You've Watched More than Five Times: I think almost every episode of Arthur, Full House, As Told By Ginger, Fairly OddParents, Jimmy Neutron, and several Rugrats episodes, I've seen more than five times.

13. Favorite Childhood Show: Sesame Street and Barney.

14. Favorite Male Character: Tommy Pickles.

15. Favorite Female Character: Ginger Foutley.

16. Your Guilty Pleasure Show: I do not have guilty pleasures because I do not feel guilty about doing anything that gives me pleasure.

17. Favorite Mini Series: The only thing I can think of that was a mini series was that Fairly Oddparents used to be a mini series on Oh Yeah! Cartoons before it became a full length show, so I'll go with that.

18. Favorite Title Sequence: Sesame Street.

19. Best TV Show Cast: Full House.

20. Favorite Kiss: Ginger and Daren's first kiss.

21. Favorite Ship: Jimmy and Cindy.

22. Favorite Series Finale: As Told By Ginger, "The Wedding Frame." This was not my favorite episodes in its entirety, but I love the very end.

23. Most Annoying Character: All of Timmy Turner's friends. They are annoying because they're just so stereotyped and underdeveloped, I really don't care about Chester or AJ or Elmer or Sanjay. I normally like a character's best friends even if they are stereotyped, like I love Jimmy Neutron's friends Carl and Sheen, but Timmy's friends feel like they were just thrown together because Timmy needed to have "uncool" friends when all we really care about is Cosmo and Wanda. For that reason, I'm really only attached to Timmy's godparents and what goes on in Fairy World, and I don't particularly like the episodes that involve his friends or his real parents. Actually, I think his parents are even more annoying than his friends. They're just all over the place, I'd like them better as characters if they were just always neglectful rather than being sometimes neglectful but sometimes care. I hate the way the show alternates like that, it's like when they suddenly start caring, I don't believe it, it feels so out of character for them to actually care and help Timmy that I'm actually wishing Cosmo and Wanda would step in instead.

24. Best Quote: The poem "She Chose to Walk Alone" from As Told by Ginger.

25. A Show You Plan on Watching (Old or New): I just finished rewatching Fairly OddParents and Ghostwriter, so I'm not sure what I'll watch next.

26. OMG WTF? Season Finale: The Fosters last season finale left off with someone in a coma and someone else finding out that the driver of the car she was in was a potential murderer.

27. Best Pilot Episode: Jimmy Neutron's Pilot.

28. First TV Show Obsession: Barney

29. Current TV Show Obsession: At the moment, Fairly OddParents and Jimmy Neutron.

30. Saddest Character Death: Mr. Hooper on Sesame Street.

Never Growing Up Songs 2

And let's not forget this one...

This actually got me through the very end of the validation book and made me super motivated.

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Never Growing Up (Songs)

Here are some of the first things that pop into my mind when I think of never growing up:

And yeah, I mean those things, but beneath that first layer of non-growing up, there's all of this:


My birthday party was awesome!!!! I had an awesome party with the bestest friends in the whole world!!!

This birthday feels like a new beginning a little bit. My whole apartment is transformed into something that really screams "me," and it's the first month that I've done my monthly goals and it has worked out really well so far!

I don't have any plans yet for tomorrow, so I'm thinking that I'd like to:

1. Take the time to do some more work on my apartment. I didn't do anything new to my bedroom because the party was in the living room, but I have some ideas for my bedroom as well.

2. Revisit my goals for the rest of the month. I have been feeling significantly better since I started my monthly goals (which means a lot because I haven't been feeling well since my Grandma died). I happened to start this monthly goal idea at the beginning of my birthday month, which meant that most of my goals for this month were specifically for my birthday party and everything else was on hold. I'd like to revisit everything else that's on the list and figure out what I want to focus on for the rest of the month. I think I may make a new document called "February 2017 Post-Party Goals." In fact, I think that's what I'll do every month when I have some big event that I'm focused on, just start a new list of goals for after the focus goal is over.

3. I'd like to think seriously about my party theme of "Here's to Never Growing Up" and about what not growing up really means to me. In the past, I've written contracts to myself in my journals about things that were important to me and signed them. I may want to write up a contract to myself promising that I will never grow up, and outlining specifically what that means to me, and sign it and put it on my wall. 

Tuesday, February 14, 2017


The reason I'm classifying writing prompts on Pinterest as "Fiction" rather than "Writing" is that I created the Fiction board for when I just need to be distracted from bad things, and I'm filling it specifically with things that help me disengage from bad things for a while. That's why lately I've been putting writing prompts in there, because I'm using them to be distracted rather than as serious writing. And that's okay. 


My apartment is COMPLETELY TRANSFORMED!!!! You would never know a 29-year-old lives here, it's all about Never Growing Up!!!!

I've got some awesome new games which I test-drove with my parents and Eli over the weekend, I've got all the games and food and everything all planned out and ready to go! I'm having a pre-party celebration with my parents on my real birthday, then it's PARTY TIME!!!!

Here's to Never Growing Up!!!!!

Monday, February 13, 2017

Something I Need to Clarify

I ONLY do things in dead silence. If you ask me for help with something, fine. But if while I'm trying to look up the thing or read something or help you in any way, you start eating in a way that makes noise or drinking in a way that makes noise or tapping your fingers on the desk or chewing gum or talking to yourself or anything whatsoever that makes noise, I WILL NOT HELP YOU. That goes for not just work related stuff too. If you wanted me to look up something on my phone or show you a picture or something and you are making noise, I will not continue doing the thing until I have quiet. I mean this seriously. I will not read without quiet. I will not THINK without quiet. I don't care how important it is. If you want me to do anything all at, you have to be COMPLETELY quiet. This has always been true but I'm finally going to start enforcing it.

Sunday, February 12, 2017

30 Day Book Challenge in One Day

1. Best Book You Read Last Year: Small Great Things.
2. A Book You've Read more than 3 Times: A Wrinkle in Time.
3. Your Favorite Series: Harry Potter.
4. Favorite Book of Your Favorite Series: Order of the Phoenix.
5. A Book that Makes You Happy: Any Harry Potter Book.
6. A Book that Makes You Sad: Nineteen Minutes.
7. A Book that Makes You Laugh: Harry Potter (lots of books have made me laugh, but I've reread Harry Potter the most so it always comes to mind.
8. Most Overrated Book: The Great Gatsby. We had to read it in school, booooorrrring!
9. A Book You Thought You Wouldn't Like but Ended Up Loving: Running out of Time. It was an assigned summer reading book so I wasn't expecting it to be good but I loved it.
10. A Book that Reminds You of Home: Any of the Babysitter's Little Sister books. My mom used to read them to me when I was little.
11. A Book You Hated: The Scarlet Letter.
12. A Book You Love but Hate at the Same Time: House Rules. I love the story itself, it's a cool mystery, but it's not a good representation of people who have Asperger's, which is what it was trying to be, so I don't like it for that reason.
13. Your favorite writer: J. K. Rowling!!!
14. A Book turned Movie and Completely Desecrated: My Sister's Keeper. It's not that the whole movie was bad, but the ending of the movie was completely different. The book had this brilliant, perfectly poetic ending, and the movie totally ruined that. Also, The Cat in the Hat movie I thought was desecrated. It felt like Mike Myers was just doing his own stand up comedy routine and not even acting like The Cat in the Hat. I felt the same way about Jim Carrey as The Grinch. I like the simplicity of the original Dr. Seuss books, and I'm thinking that maybe they just weren't all meant to be full-length movies that require the screenwriters to add so many things.
15. Your Favorite Male Character: Harry Potter
16. Your Favorite Female Character: Matilda, Harriet the Spy, and Karen Brewer.
17. Favorite Quote from Your Favorite Book: "Of course it is all happening inside your head, harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"
18. A Book that Disappointed You: Fifty Shade of Grey. I wasn't expecting it to be amazing or anything, and I didn't even expect it to be wonderful about consent - but I expected Ana to at least express some sort of interest in what they were doing. I mean, I imagined that it might be coercive in the beginning, but my expectation was that Ana would discover that she was deeply into it. But she never expresses enjoyment and her character is so undeveloped, I feel like I'm reading about a blank piece of paper (like Bella from Twilight), and Christian keeps throwing the word "consent" around while not practicing it at all, kind of like tossing a soccer ball around with your hands and saying that you are playing soccer - people who don't understand soccer will think that soccer is played that way, people who don't understand about consent will think that consent works this way. And of course a super-contrived backstory about why Christian is so troubled because of course no one could ever just be *interested* in what the book is about, oh no, you have to either be doing it because you have issues or be coerced into it.
19. Favorite Book turned into a Movie: Matilda. This is one of the few movies where I actually like the extra stuff they added that wasn't in the book.
20. Favorite Romance Book: I don't really have one, I haven't liked most of the romance books I've read.
21. The First Novel you remember reading: It might have been a Ramona Book, either Ramona the Pest, or Ramona Quimby, age 8.
22. A Book that Makes You Cry: Nineteen Minutes
23. A Book You Wanted to Read for a Long Time and Still Haven't: Les Miserables.
24. A Book that You Wish More People Would Have Read: Blink
25. A Character Who You Can Relate to the Most: Harriet the Spy.
26. A Book that Changed Your Opinion about Something: Outliers.
27. The Most Surprising Plot Twist or Ending: The ending of Half-Blood Prince - I won't give the details just in case.
28. Favorite Title of a Book: Handle with Care. I love the double meaning - the book is about a girl who has OI and literally needs to handled with care, we think that's what the title is referring to, but by the end, you realize it means so much more than that, because everything should be handled with care.
29. A Book that Everyone Hated but You Liked: I can't think of anything that other people really hated, but a lot of books that I love, other people have outgrown - Babysitter's Club, Judy Blume books, the Ramona series, Amelia's Notebooks.
30. Your Favorite Book of all Time: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

Friday, February 10, 2017

30 Day Movie Challenge in One Day

30 Day movie challenge from Pinterest. Leave your answers in the comments if you want to!

1. Your Favorite Movie: Inside Out. I never had one favorite movie before that.
2. The Last Movie You Watched: Abracatastrophe from Fairly OddParents.
3. Your Favorite Action/Adventure Movie: All of the Harry Potter Movies (although the books are better of course).
4. Your Favorite Horror Movie: I don't really like horror movies, so I'll say my favorite scary movie is Coraline.
5. Your Favorite Drama Movie: The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
6. Your Favorite Comedy Movie: I like a lot of these, I guess I'll say Matilda, I think that's classified as a comedy.
7. A Movie that Makes You Happy: The Babysitter's Club Movie.
8. A Movie that Makes You Sad: Mary and Max.
9. A Movie that You Practically Know the Whole Script of: Most of my favorite movies are like this, but I'll say Inside Out.
10. Your Favorite Director: I don't really know directors.
11. Your Favorite Movie from Your Childhood: Cinderella. I was obsessed with that movie for the longest time.
12. Your Favorite Animated Movie: After Inside Out, I'd say Monsters, Inc or Finding Nemo.
13. A Movie that You Used to Love but Now Hate: I can't think of any like this, so I'll go with one that I used to love and now don't like, and that would be A Troll in Central Park. It's not that I hate it now, I just find it boring. It's not one of those kids movies that I still love now that I'm older.
14. Your Favorite Quote from Any Movie: "Do what you love and fuck the rest." Dwayne from Little Miss Sunshine.
15. The First Movie You Saw in Theaters: I don't remember, it was probably a Disney movie, I'm guessing Aladdin based on the year that it came out.
16. The Last Movie You Saw in Theaters: I'm drawing a blank here, but it may have been either Finding Dori or The BFG.
17. The Best Movie You Saw During the Last Year: Zootopia.
18. The Movie that Disappointed You the Most: Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen. This movie came out in high school, when I was super focused on theatre and planning to be a big Broadway Star just like the protagonist of this movie. I waited so long for this movie to come out because I expected it to be all about this girl struggling to become a star, but instead it was just a typical high school story with a best friend and a crush and a mean girl and the main plot is that they're trying to sneak into some concert, it's not even about this girl's acting career. I was very disappointed because I was hoping to see a movie focused on acting, just like a sports movie.
19. Your Favorite Actor: I don't really have one. I have a crush on Daniel Radcliffe, but he's not my favorite actor in terms of acting ability, so I'm not sure.
20. Your Favorite Actress: I don't have one in particular. I guess I like Emma Thompson and Cameron Diaz.
21. The Most Overrated Movie: The Avengers or Dark Night. I don't like action movies and I was bored through both of these movies, but I remember there being a big a hype about them.
22. The Most Underrated Movie: Pixel Perfect. It's a Disney Channel movie I've always loved, but it was never very popular because it didn't rerun many times on Disney Channel.
23. Your Favorite Character from Any Movie: Harriet the Spy.
24. Favorite Documentary: Bowling for Columbine
25. A Movie that No One Would Expect You to Love: Remember the Titans, because it's a sports movie.
26. A Movie that is a Guilty Pleasure: Again, I do not have guilty pleasures because I do not feel guilty about doing anything that gives me pleasure. Seriously!
27. Favorite Classic Movie: I don't know how old something has to be to be "classic." I think of Mean Girls and Love Actually as "classic" but I know they're not really old enough. I guess I'll say Monkey Business, which is an old Marx Brothers movie.
28. Movie with the Best Soundtrack: The Hunchback of Notre Dame. It was never one of my favorite Disney movies, but I always loved the music. I also love the music from Tarzan.
29. A Movie that Changed Your Opinion about Something: Sicko (the documentary on health care).
30. Your Least Favorite Movie: Any of those superhero action movies that I got stuck seeing with my ex.

30 Day Song Challenge in One Day

I just wanna be distracted right now. I found this challenge on Pinterest so I'm gonna do it all in one day. Post your answers in the comments if you want to, I'd love to see other people's answers!

1. Your Favorite Song: I have a lot of favorite songs, but if I had to pick my top favorite at this moment, "Naughty" from Matilda.
2. You Least Favorite Song: I've never really had one least favorite song, but the first one that pops into my head that I hate is "Blurred Lines" because it basically says that it's okay to rape people.
3. A Song that Makes You Happy: I'd have to say "Naughty" from Matilda again. A lot of songs make me happy, but in the past three years, that one has done the best job of it.
4. A Song that Makes You Sad: "San Francisco" by Vanessa Carlton - the song itself isn't sad, but I have really deep associations of it during the loneliest time at college, so it always makes me cringe.
5. A Song that Reminds You of Someone: "You're Where I Belong" By Trisha Yearwood (end credits of Stuart Little). This song reminds me of a teacher whom I had a huge crush on. I made her a mix tape (yes, an actual tape, this was 2003) with this song on it.
6. A Song that Reminds You of Somewhere: "White Houses" by Vanessa Carlton - reminds me the beach where we went on beach week - the song is literally my beach week story, word for word. It's scary how accurate it is.
7. A Song that Reminds You of a Certain Event: The last question sort of covers this as well, but another song is "The One" by the Backstreet Boys reminds me of my first play, Oz, in 6th grade. That was one of my happiest memories, and I listened to this song (and the whole Backstreet Boys CD) a lot during that time, so it take me back there instantly.
8. A Song that You Know All the Words to: I can't pick just one for this - I know all the words to almost every song that I actually listen to. I guess I'll say, "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Miserables because I've performed it multiple times.
9. A Song that You Can Dance to: "Time" by Chantal Kreviazuk. This isn't a dance party song, it's the type of dance that I'd like to choreograph a jazz-lyrical style dance for. This song was always a choreographing possibility back when I was doing that, but I ran out of semesters and didn't get to do this one. I have a cool dance mapped out where have of the dancers are people and the other half are time itself, and the ones who are time are dancing much faster and keep pushing the people and spinning them around. I have a perfect vision of the dance, but I didn't choose it to choreograph at college because it's really important to have an even number of dancers so that everyone has a partner, and people tended to quit in the middle of the semester a lot.
10. A Song that Makes you Fall Asleep: Most songs in general don't make me fall asleep (only silence works), but the one exception is "Fields of Gold" by Eva Cassidy. I used this song a lot to fall asleep in my first year of college. I don't know if it would still have that effect.
11. A Song from your Favorite Band - I don't really have a favorite band, I tend to have favorite singers. I'll go with "Because of You" by Kelly Clarkson. I love the fact that it's all about the other person hurting you, no personal responsibility or anything.
12. A Song from a Band you Hate: "Sorry" by Justin Bieber. They play that song all the time at the trampoline park and it's pretty annoying.
13.  A Song that is a Guilty Pleasure: I don't have guilty pleasures because I don't feel guilty about doing anything that gives me pleasure. But I actually do have an answer in this case (I have never had a "guilty pleasure" feeling about a song before - this is the first time ever). "Firework" by Katy Perry. I actually love the song. It makes me feel really good inside. But I hate how it perpetuates the idea that everyone can just pull themselves up by the bootstraps and be a freaking firework while saying nothing about the people and systems that prevent a lot of people from doing that. The thing is, I don't have "guilty pleasures," I don't feel guilty liking the song, just kinda weird. I listen to a lot of music that I don't fully agree with and it doesn't bother me, but I think the reason "Firework" feels weird is that I actually thought about that song a lot as I was writing the validation book. One of the really powerful sections towards the end of the book, I got a lot of inspiration from analyzing what's wrong with "Firework." I even referred to the song in my earliest draft, but decided against the culture reference that everyone won't know. So that's why it feels a little weird when I listen to the song - because it makes me feel good even though I wrote a whole section of my book about why it's wrong.
14. A Song that No One Would Expect You to Love: This one's hard because I don't really know what other people normally assume about my music tastes. I'll say "Let it Go" from Frozen because if you just hear the song without any context, it sounds like it's telling someone to let it go as in don't get upset about something, which is the opposite of what I like, but within the context, it's actually about letting your feelings and power and whatever is locked up inside go, totally encouraging 100-page blog posts and stuff like that.
15. A Song that Describes You: I could use the blog title song, but I'm gonna use that one later, so I'll say "2 AM" by Anna Nalick, just the last verse where she sings about writing the song.
16. A Song that You Used to Love but Now Hate: Offhand, I can't think of any song I used to love but now I hate, so I'm gonna to just use a song that I used to like and now I don't like, "Wake Me up When September Ends" by Green Day. It's not that I hate it now, it's just that when I first heard the song, I didn't know that it was about anything specific. It seemed very general, like the kind of song that anyone can apply to their own situation, big or small. I first heard it at the start of my last year of high school, when I was feeling bogged down with school and college apps and I felt empty inside because there wasn't enough time to spend with my friends and I could see that time running out - and I liked the song because I thought I could relate to it. But ever since I saw the music video, I haven't like the song as much anymore. I mean, there's nothing wrong with having a song specifically about someone who joins the military, but once I saw that it was meant to be about something very specific that was way more serious that what I was thinking of when I heard it, I could just never go back to listening to it in the same way.
17. A Song that You Often Hear on the Radio: I don't really listen to the radio except around Christmas time, so I'll say, "It's Beginning to Look a lot like Christmas."
18. A Song that You Wish You Heard on the Radio: "Someday at Christmas" by Stevie Wonder. One of my favorite Christmas songs but it rarely plays on the radio at Christmas.
19. A Song from Your Favorite Album: Matilda is my favorite CD at the moment, so "When I Grow Up."
20. A Song that You Listen to When You're Angry: "Wake Me Up Inside" by Evanescence.
21. A Song that You Listen to When You're Happy: Right now, "You'll Be in my Heart" from Tarzan. I have lots of good associations with it.
22. A Song that You Listen to When You're Sad: "State of Mind" by Merril Bainbridge.
23. A Song that You Want to Play at Your Wedding: This really depends on my specific relationship with the other person. Right now, the song that comes to mind is "Bless the Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts, this was what I always pictured singing to my old boyfriend if we got married, but it would really depend on my relationship with the new person.
24. A Song that You Want to Play at Your Funeral: "Make Your Own Kind of Music."
25. A Song that Makes you Laugh: "Mamma Says" from Footloose.
26. A Song that You Can Play on an Instrument: Right now I only know "Mary Had a Little Lamb" and "Ode to Joy" on the piano.
27. A Song You Wish You Could Play: I'm planning to learn guitar, and one of the first songs I'd like to learn to play is "Fast Car" by Tracy Chapman.
28. A Song that Makes You Feel Guilty: My college's alma mater. I don't know why guilt specifically, but it brings up a gazillion different bad feelings and one of them is guilt.
29. A Song from Your Childhood: "Little Things" by Joe Raposo, Sesame Street.
30. Your Favorite Song at this Time Last Year: Same as my first answer. I think "Naughty" has been my favorite song since I discovered it in 2013.

Sunday, February 5, 2017

I Want You to Fail

[Content: Violence aimed at marginalized people]

Something I need to explain once and for all to people who are calling us sore losers for fighting against the Trump presidency, as if we just can't handle that Clinton or Sanders didn't win, and people who think it's bad to want Trump to fail:

There is a such a thing as being a sore loser. If I were on a sports team, for instance, and a teammate and I both wanted to be picked as team captain, and when they won, I hoped that they would fail at being team captain just so that everyone would know I would have made a better one - that would make me a sore loser. 

But if my teammate who wanted to be team captain told me that they secretly hated a person on the team, and they had a plan to get the rest of the team to also hate this person and take them out to the woods and beat them up - I would want them to fail at that plan, I would do everything I could to stop that plan, and that would not make me a sore loser, it would make me someone who is not going to stand for my teammate getting beaten up. It's not about wanting the captain to fail because I dislike them as a person, or because I want to prove that I would be a better captain - it's about not allowing the injustice to happen. 

And I don't care who the person is - whether it's someone I admire or my best friend - if you tell me you have a plan to harm a bunch of people, I would want you to fail at that plan.

So, where Trump is concerned:

If you're going to ban Syrian refugees from entering the country when they are in a war zone and need a place to go, I want you to fail.

If you're going to ban Muslim people from traveling and reentering the country, and accuse all Muslim immigrants of being terrorists, I want you to fail.

If you're going to allow the police to continue targeting and killing Black people, I want you to fail.

If you're going to deport undocumented immigrants and separate people from their families and their homes, I want you to fail.

If you're going to build a wall to not allow Mexican immigrants into the country, I want you to fail.

If you're going to cut off health care to millions of people, I want you to fail.

If you're going to prevent access to safe abortions, I want you to fail.

If you're going to overturn protection for LGBTQ people, so it becomes acceptable to hire and fire people on the basis of their sexual orientation or gender identity, I want you to fail.

If you're going to perpetuate rape culture from a leadership position and normalize the idea that men are entitled to women's bodies, I want you to fail.

If you're going to cut funding for public schools, food stamps, welfare, and any other service that people need, I want you to fail.

If you're going to not raise the minimum wage and not help people get out of poverty, I want you to fail.

This is not a case of wanting Trump to fail simply to prove that Bernie Sanders would have done better. What Trump is doing is NOT OKAY and I want him to fail at it.

Saturday, February 4, 2017

Why Are You Afraid of Rainbows?

So, in the past few years, I've come across several Postsecrets and Whisper confessions of people saying that they totally support LGBTQ people, but they wish that we hadn't claimed the rainbow as our flag, now they feel like they can never wear rainbows anymore. But my question is, if you truly support LGBTQ people, then why do you feel like you can't wear rainbows anymore?

Pink has been my favorite color for a long time. When I learned that it was the color for breast cancer awareness, I had pretty much no reaction. It never occurred to me to worry that other people might think I'm wearing pink for breast cancer awareness when I'm wearing it just because I like it. I mean, why is that a thing to worry about? Like, if some hate group started using pink as their signature color, then I'd be upset. Then I'd feel like I couldn't wear pink anymore because other people might associate me with the group. But I don't have that sense of "Oh no! I don't want people to think I support people with breast cancer!" because I do support people with breast cancer. I mean, I have not done any activism related to breast cancer specifically (I've done Relay for Life, but that is for all types of cancer), but of course I think cancer awareness matters and I support people who have cancer, so it would not upset me for someone think that about me. And in all honesty, a lot of people love pink, it never occurred to me that everyone would assume I was wearing pink to support breast cancer unless I was specifically at an event about that issue.

Like the color pink, I have loved rainbows for my entire life as well. Rainbows were my favorite when I was little. I used to write poems and songs about rainbows all the time. When I was 7, I wrote a musical where the protagonist was a "rainbow scientist" who studied the magical properties of rainbows, and the plot was that she had to make a rainbow in order to break an evil spell. I used the rainbow song from Barney as the finale to the musical (the one that goes, "Oh I like red, it's the color of an apple...") and I still get chills down my spine when I hear that song. So yeah, I've always loved rainbows. And when I learned that the LGBTQ flag was a rainbow, (and this was before I had acknowledge to myself that I liked girls), my reaction was, "Oh, cool! I like rainbows!" The idea that I couldn't wear rainbow patterns anymore just for myself did not occur to me, the same way that it didn't occur to me about the color pink.

So my question is, if you really support LGBTQ people, then why does it bother you to wear rainbows just because you like rainbows? Why does it bother you that someone might think you are supporting people whom you do in fact support? 

Goals List and Progress

My idea of having the goals list has worked out really well so far!

It's only the beginning of February, and so far I've done three things on my goals list! Those things were finishing the February coloring calendar, printing some memes as party decorations, and writing a new quiz for my quiz book. Having the list is really satisfying, just like it was when I was younger. I know I would have still finished the calendar, but I'm not sure if I would have accomplished the other two things if I hadn't written them down.

The list has been helpful because in times when I'm feeling bad, I tend to forget about what will make me feel better, and I end up doing things that make me feel worse. The list has been helpful because the other day I was staring at my walls thinking that I wanted more party decorations but I couldn't think of what, and then my list reminded me of all the other decorations I wanted to make!

I've also decided to label items on the list. I'm using "BB" to stand for "Back Burner," as in something that I'd like to do at some point, but I'm not especially interested in doing it right now, so I probably won't get to it this month. That way I don't feel pressured to get it done within any specific time frame, but it's still on my list so I'll remember it in case I'm looking for something to do. I'm also going to use "NM" to mean "Next Month" for things that I may want to push off to next month, but not push off indefinitely like the back burner items. Right now I have several projects that I am pushing off until after my birthday party is over, and I've labeled them Next Month so I don't feel any pressure to do them now.

I'm hoping that this list system can continue, it seems to be working well so far and making me feel better.

Harry Potter Thing

It really bothers me that in the 7th book, when the trio is on the run, they never ever do any kind of personal, distracting, self-care activities like reading a book or listening to music or anything personal like that. They never take a break from being focused on the fight. I know at the start of the book they celebrate Harry's birthday and go to Bill and Fleur's wedding, which is good, and at a certain point, they are constantly on the run and fighting so there would be no chance to sit and read a book or anything like that, but I'm talking about the in-between time, when they're staying in the tent out in the woods. I thought the part with them staying out in the woods went on way too long and I would have liked the story to cut to the action much quicker, but if we're going to see them spend so much time hiding out, then I would have appreciated seeing them do self-care things like reading or listening to music or something like that. Ron listens to the radio constantly but again it's only to hear the news and make sure none of his family has died. I would have liked to see that kind of self-care portrayed as a normal, acceptable way to respond when horrible things are happening, and not have it feel like you have to be 100 percent focused on fighting all the time.

The Problem with "Blue Lives Matter"

And about "Blue Lives Matter:"

Video on Black Lives Matter

Please watch this video on 4 myths about Black Lives Matter:

Stop Misquoting Martin Luther King Jr.

A lot of people have been taking Martin Luther King Jr.'s quotes about nonviolence out of context. Please read about what MLK actually says about riots:

Friday, February 3, 2017

J. K. Rowling Gets It

[Harry Potter Spoilers]

J. K. Rowling has said in several interviews that she had known from the start who would die by the end, but there was one character that she changed her mind about, and she killed off a different character instead. The character she changed her mind about killing was Arthur Weasley. He was originally supposed to die when Nagini attacked him in the Ministry, but instead he survived the attack. J. K. Rowling has said that she couldn't bare to part with Arthur Weasley because he's one of the only good father figures in the books, but she also has said that she couldn't do what she would have had to do to Ron if she killed off his dad. Ron would have been completely different from then on, obviously not as funny or lighthearted, the whole tone of the books would have been different if Ron had changed in that way. She knew that she needed Ron to stay Ron, and that was part of why she decided not to kill off Arthur Weasley.

She could have cheated. I mean, she literally has complete control over the characters and everything they do, she could have killed off Arthur Weasley and had Ron not be as broken and damaged inside as he actually would be, and have him still be the lighthearted and funny one in the trio. But she didn't. It did not occur to her to cheat. It was just a non-negotiable fact that if Ron's dad died, Ron would not be the same person again, and if that was going to be a problem, then she had better not kill his dad.

She gets it.

Wednesday, February 1, 2017