Sunday, February 26, 2017

Why I Don't Want a Wedding Ring

Note: I absolutely do not mean this as any kind of an argument against wedding rings, there is nothing at all wrong with wanting one. This is on my mind because my ex had a problem with me not wanting a wedding ring if we had gotten married, so I wanted to explain once and for all why I don't want one:

1. I don't personally care about diamonds, or any real gemstones. I love jewelry, but for me, jewelry is purely a fashion statement, I don't care one way or another if a stone is "real" or not, I only care about how it looks. And I'm not that into stones like diamonds anyway because they're boring - I prefer blown-glass earrings and earrings that are shaped like fun things. Even if I could afford to shop in fancy jewelry stores, I wouldn't because those styles do not appeal to me, I prefer to shop for jewelry at card stores and resort areas and street fairs. Aside from the earrings that I got my ears pierced with, I think the most I've ever spent on a pair of earrings was like $30, and I have a lot of earrings that I love. I would just feel kind of silly spending so much money (or asking someone else to spend the money) on something that isn't even my style.

2. I wouldn't wear the ring every day, or even most days. In general, I'm not willing to wear something that isn't my style and doesn't go with my outfit that day just because it means something to me. Like, I'd probably do that for a little while, but I eventually stop and want to wear something else instead. I've gone through lots of phases of having jewelry that meant a lot to me that I wore every day, then I'd find something else and that would be the new thing I wore every day. The fact that it was my wedding ring would not change that.

For my eight grade graduation, my parents got me a ring with my birthstone. It was a really nice ring, it was really special because it was from my parents and for my graduation. I wore the ring a lot (but not every single day) for about a year, and I would tell people that it was a special gift from my parents. After my first year of high school, I started wearing it less frequently. My second year of high school, I got my class ring, which meant a lot to me because I loved my high school, and it was more current than my eight grade graduation ring. I wore my class ring a lot. Sometimes I would wear both rings together, but eventually, I didn't wear the graduation ring much anymore and only wore my class ring. After I left high school, I don't think I wore either of them again. Mt graduation ring is still special to me because it was from my parents, but it's not something that I wear anymore.

For my high school graduation, my parents got me my first Ipod. I used that Ipod every single day for seven and a half years. I wore it into the ground until it had practically no battery life and wouldn't last a long car ride without being plugged in. What I learned from this experience is that, while I am very grateful for that graduation ring, if someone is going to spend a lot of money on me, I would prefer that they spend it on something that I will get a lot of use out of.

I just wouldn't wear a wedding ring every day, I would probably only wear it sometimes, but I would feel like I was *expected* to wear it every day if someone spent so much money on it, and because it's a tradition.

3. Part of the reason I would not wear a wedding ring everyday is that being married to someone is not the most important thing to me. It would be important, but I don't think I'd be okay with wearing a ring to show the world I was married while not wearing anything to show the world anything else about me. I mean, I wouldn't be wearing an item of jewelry from every person I care deeply about, so the wedding ring would automatically put my spouse above everyone else, and I don't want to do that. Other people would not be less important to me just because I was married. And I also would not be wearing a piece of jewelry that says that I'm a writer, or anything else about me, so symbolically, that puts being married above those things. Being married would only be one fact about me, it would not be more important than being a writer or a beach-partier or anything else that I am. Heck, I actually have a customized necklace that says "Untamable Spirit" and I don't even wear that every day! So to wear my wedding ring every day would symbolize that being married was the most important thing to me (or the most important thing to inform other people about), which it would not be.

So that's why I don't want a wedding ring, and I would not marry someone who was going to push that on me because of tradition.

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