Being proactive gets you nowhere. At all. Ever. I was proactive when I heard the news about my grandma. I made it clear to everyone that I would not be okay, that my behavior was going to change dramatically, and that no one should have any expectations that I would behave the way I used to. I told this to EVERYONE, including people I'm not even friends with and barely talk to at all. I told absolutely everyone I interact with that I would never be the same again and that I was not accepting ANY form of criticism about my changes behavior. I even referenced the fact that I got 4 Cs and a D on my report card after my grandpa died and it was never okay for anyone to push me to get better grades or expect any better behavior of me. I act how I feel and no one has any business criticizing me or having higher expectations of me. I was PROACTIVE and said this to absolutely everyone even people I barely know, I said it BEFORE my behavior would even begin to change. It didn't make any difference. None at all. To this day I have never had a bad life event where I didn't have to also deal with people criticizing me for my react to said event, and all the changes in my behavior. Being proactive got me nowhere at all.