Monday, May 2, 2016

My "Relationship" Blog

Going forward, when I'm talking to people whom I don't feel comfortable telling that I had a sex blog, I'm going to refer to it as a "relationship blog." I know, I know this sounds like the opposite of being untamable, but let me explain the issue here, and why I'm doing this:

Over the past few months, as I'm nearing the end of editing my book, I've been thinking a lot about writing projects and the way that my brain works, and thinking about just how horrible it was to have my number one writing project ripped away from me when we broke up. Now, just to be clear, any writing project would have suffered a lot under those conditions because I rely a lot on other people's support - whatever project I had been working on at the time, I would have been excited for my boyfriend to see it and would have lost a huge amount of my interest in the project after we broke up. But it's just not the same as having it literally ripped away, of actually not being able to continue, and realizing that a lot of the persona of "look how great everything is" that was embedded into that blog was a lie. 

Now, I don't think it's right that we can't talk openly about sex. I am not okay with the fact that I would put my job at risk by mentioning the sex blog at work. Not okay at all. Don't think for a second that I think any of this is okay.

But the fact is, even though I'm not okay with this part of our culture, it still affects me. I'm not going to discuss a sex blog with anyone in my family or anyone from work, even though I want to. 

Now that I've been getting closer and making deeper connections with people from work, I'm becoming open and honest about a lot more things, including deep emotional things. Just last week, I shared more than I ever thought I would share about the breakup with a friend from work. She was a good listener and it felt really nice.

The fact that I lost my main writing project at the time was a huge part of the breakup for me, and I feel like I'm leaving out something major every time that I can't discuss it. THAT is why I'm going to refer to it as a relationship blog to certain people - not because I want to hide the fact that I had a sex blog, but because I want to be able to share this issue and this part of the breakup with people whom I would otherwise just not share it with.

In our current culture, as much as I hate it, I just would never mention the sex blog to certain people. Calling it a "relationship blog" is not about hiding anything - it is allowing me to share important things that I would not otherwise be able to share, and it's helping me with my goal of making deeper connections with people at work. A couple months ago I told my mom the issue about the blog and called it a relationship blog, and I felt really good that I got to share that with her. Even though I couldn't talk about the sex blog, there's a whole other aspect to the situation that I did get to discuss with her. So this is not about limitations. It's about an opportunity for more communication and connections with more people. 

So, if my mom ever mentions anything about my "relationship blog," or if you catch me using that term with anybody, you'll know what I'm referring to :-)

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