Thursday, November 5, 2015

Floating

Hello :-)

So, I don't actually feel like writing a blog post, which is strange, but I realize that I'm at a high risk of having zero blog posts for the month of November, since I'll be very busy during the second half of the month, and I can't have that. Not during my best blogging year on record so far. So...

I've been in a mellow, creative, restful state ever since I finished the validation book. I haven't had the urge to write a lot of new stuff, which is why I haven't done any interesting blog posts. I'm in the mood to just relax for a very long time. But it's a good-feeling state of relaxation. While I don't have the energy to do really big activities or work on major writing projects, I've been watching movies and reading books and fanfiction, and I've been enjoying it. Like, I've been actively engaged in these things, as opposed to being numb or bored. It's been nice. My guess is that it will be a while before I'm blogging again like I was before. Writing a book takes a lot of mental energy.

And speaking of fanfiction, did you know that there were over 300 fanfics of Inside Out on fanfiction.net before the DVD was even out?

I'm really, really excited about the Inside Out/Book Premiere party this weekend. Inside Out is my favorite movie of all time, and I can't even express how much I love Sadness. After this weekend, I'll be able to refer to Sadness and specific details of the movie more freely on my blog without having to worry about movie spoilers. And I'm really looking forward to discussing my book. I have a one-track mind, I've only been thinking about my book since I finished it, and I've pretty much just been wanting to talk about my book for like six hours straight. I've already had the initial "Yay I finished!" celebrations, but this will be much deeper because we'll actually get to talk about the book itself. One of the nice things about non-fiction is that it doesn't have spoilers like fictional stories do, so it's fine to talk about everything even if everyone hasn't finished the whole book. And combining it with Inside Out is just absolutely perfect because I feel like Sadness wrote the book. I really do. Especially the very last chapter, I feel like Sadness just took over the controls and told me what to write. I am essentially Sadness explaining the world to Joy. That's it. That's all there is to it. I'm Sadness, and Joy is my target audience.

It's a weird thing, but I feel like after I went into my super focused mode of writing my book, my brain sort of woke up or something. Even though I'm too tired to write much, I feel much more engaged in the movies I watch, music I listen to, and books I read than I did before I went into that super focused mode. I feel like my brain is awake like it was before college. I'm probably going to play with my toys and reread all my old books and do other kid interests. I think that's what I'm in the mood for.

Anyway, I did have a long list of blog posts that I sort of put on hold while I was writing the validation book, including a piece about the differences between INFP and INFJ, the difference between someone completing your life vs. completing you, and a long piece about all the symbolism in Inside Out and what it means to me. (I've seen it at least 10 times now, and I'm still noticing new details with each viewing). I'll write those things at some point.

I'm also resting in anticipation for other events that I have coming up this month. I want my life to stay pretty mellow for at least the next week or so. I anticipate that at the start of December, I will also want to do calm things and it will be at least several weeks before I want to do any big events. But I'll know for sure when that time comes.

I almost feel like I'm floating in a bubble right now, a few steps removed from reality. The thing is, it shouldn't feel weird to me, because this is how I want to feel, this is how I like to feel, and I don't ever want to be grounded in reality or all the way engaged in reality. This floating in a bubble feeling was normal for me when I was younger. It just feels weird now because it's been so long. But this is absolutely where I want to stay.

Note to self: Never start dating a new person while in a super-focused writing state because it will give them the false impression that:
1. I'm self-sufficient and am normally so engaged in a personal project that I'm okay not spending tons of time together every day. That's not me. This state of mind just happens for maybe a few weeks once a year.
2. I'm the kind of person who does not post lots and lots of angry things on Facebook, enough to flood everybody's newsfeed. Seriously, I'm just in a dreamy, disconnected phase right now. I will be back full force. (Of course, FB memories are nice because I can just repost them while stating that they are still true).

So yeah, it's different than normal, but in the sense of being separated from reality, I'm looking to stay separated forever, the way that I used to be when I was a kid. I never plan to get grounded in reality.

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