Sunday, May 3, 2015

Beware of People Like Me!

This morning I was innocently browsing at a bookstore when I came across a book about avoiding people who will try to take advantage of you. When I flipped through the book, it talked about four personality types that you should avoid, and one of them was my personality type - someone who is emotionally needy and needs constant care, attention, validation, and affirmation. You think you're just doing something nice for them once and then they'll be able to stand on their own two feet again, but you soon realize that the need for constant emotional care never ends. This person is extremely clingy and will latch onto you like a limpet and never let go. This describes me perfectly. This is not the first time I've seen a self-help book or a psychologist advising people to stay away from people like me, or worse, to cut people like me out of their lives.

It's funny - people claim that if you think the whole world is out to get out, you must be "crazy" or paranoid, but in my case, it's actually true. I cannot tell you how many times I've heard people saying to stay away from emotionally needy people like me. It's something you'll find in self-help books and blogs. Anytime there is a book or blog about finding inner peace and cutting negative people out of your life, I am one of the personality types that you are told to never associate with. It's something that a lot of psychologists - including popular people like Dr. Phil - will advise you. Heck, when I had a friend in college who was just as emotionally needy as I was, my parents advised me to stay away from her because she was going to take advantage of me, even though I knew that I would be acting the exact same way she was acting if I had been in her situation.

I am able to pass as someone who is emotionally stable when I'm at work, mainly because I'm in constant email and text contact with friends I can tell anything to while I am at work. If I did not have that support system, I would not be liked as much at work because everyone would get very tired of me telling them my troubles constantly, which I would be doing. I also am skilled enough at my job that I can still do it reasonable well even when I'm not willing to step up and function. When I talked to my mom about not being willing to function, she told me that in the case of my job, my 80% is better than most people's 100%. I don't really think that's true, but she said that even when I'm not feeling well, not giving my best effort, and kind of coasting along, I'm still doing well enough to be doing my job and no one really notices that anything is wrong. Now, this would definitely not be true if I had a different type of job, but with my current job, I am very lucky in this area. If I were less skilled at my job, or if I worked in a different industry, I would probably not be able to hold down a job because I just would not feel well enough to do the work as often as my company would want me to do it.

There have been other times in my life where I was able to pass as emotionally stable simply because things were going really well for me at the time, such as in high school. I've also gone through periods of not sharing as much about what I'm really like because I wanted to make friends. I'm not planning to do that again. I don't want to lure anyone in only for them to discover who they're really dealing with.

I wanted to let everyone know once and for all that I AM the emotionally unstable personality type that everyone tells you that you should avoid. I am emotionally needy and I need constant validation, attention, affirmation, emotional support, and cuddles. I am extremely clingy, and I will latch onto you like a limpet and never let go. Anything supportive that you do for me is not just a one-time thing. I'm never going to just get up and say, "Okay, now that you've supported me, I'm better now. I won't drain your emotional resources anymore." I am a very needy person, and this is how life with me is always going to be. I'm telling you this now so that you all can break out of your sweet little cognitive-dissonance worlds where you keep telling yourselves that I'm not really like that. I am really like this. It is NOT OKAY if you disbelieve what I say and stick around for years until you learn firsthand what I'm like, or until you read a self-help book or talk to a counselor who advises you to ditch me. I'm telling you now so that you can walk away now or make a decision now not to get any closer to me.

I'm the one that everyone will tell you to avoid. I have no respect for books, blogs, or doctors who advise people to stay away from people like me, who think it's okay turn the world into a place where people like me won't have any friends as long as all the emotionally stable people get to have less stress in their lives. You people do NOT have more of a right to have friends and support than I do. I don't want people in my life who refuse to believe what I'm really like. If you're really my friend, you'll believe what I say and flat-out reject the advice of everyone who tells you to stay away from my personality type, even if they have a PhD.

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