Thursday, March 5, 2015

Seven Deadly Sins

I have decided to base my life on the seven deadly sins because that's the kind of person I am and they all sound like really, really fun things to do and not like anything I would want to avoid for any reason. I'm gonna list them in the order of how much they matter to me:

1. Sloth. I am 100% pro-laziness and I support people not doing any work at all. I do not have one ounce of work ethic in my blood and I intend to spend my entire life doing the least amount of work I can possibly do. I will never date anyone who has work ethic because then they'll expect me to do stuff like wash a spoon instead of sticking my hands straight in the peanut butter jar. Any kind of obligations I have are always at the very bottom of my list, after all the fun, non-work things that I actually care about. I have a lot of things I want to do in this life and absolutely none of them involve hard work or stress of any kind.

2. Lust. I'm looking to have lots of sex and feel all excited and giddy inside and fall in love real hard. REAL hard. I intend to spend the majority of my life in the honeymoon stage of a relationship where I am super clingy and wanting to spend every minute of my time with the person I'm lusting over and when they're not there all I do is think about them. I want to be obsessively attached and intoxicated with feelings of love, lust, whatever you call it. Anyone who matters to me (and this includes friends too) should be causing my GPA to be lower and my performance at work to decrease because I'm completely wrapped up in my daydreams about them. I have a one-track mind, and I want that one-track to mostly be my obsession with people I'm in love with.

3. Gluttony. This means eating lots of really good food, which is something I like. But beyond just food, I feel like gluttony represents immoderation and self-indulgence, which is definitely how I want to live my life. There is absolutely NOTHING I like that I want to do in moderation, that I want to "balance" with other parts of my life in a healthy way, or that I want to hold back at all. If I like something, I am all about doing that thing to excess and never stopping or restraining myself in any way.

4. Wrath. I have no desire to let things go or to be nice to people who make me mad. I have never wanted to be the better person or take the high road, and I don't plan to. I plan to do bad things. Really bad things like destroying my college's reputation and covering my ex boyfriend's car in cereal (which I did). I want to fight back hard and never turn the other cheek unless I honestly don't care.

5. Pride. I want to feel proud and good about myself. Feeling good about myself is a top priority and I will completely tune out reality in order to do so. I am a total millennial special little snowflake type and I am looking to feel good about myself unconditionally without actually accomplishing anything. I am currently trying to score higher on the narcissism test so that I can be in the celebrity category. Because why would I not want to feel like a celebrity?

6. Greed. I don't feel a huge connection to greed like I do with the first five qualities. I don't have a huge drive for money, and the main reason I would want to be rich would be to not work, rather than to buy a lot of stuff, so that goes back to sloth. I guess my connection here is that I do have a lot of stuff and I am not willing to get rid of it, travel light, or simplify.

7. Envy. Again, I don't feel a huge connection here because I don't experience a lot of jealousy. When I want something that someone else has, I'm more focused on the fact that I want it, rather than the fact that the other person has it. Like, if I'm upset that I don't have something, that anger is not usually directed at the people who do have it, because they are not usually the ones preventing me from having it. So I guess this is the one quality that doesn't really fit.

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