Sunday, January 11, 2015

You Give an Inch, I Take a Mile

I would only ever date someone who would have respected my choices when I was a kid. I don't mean when they were a kid too, I mean if now, as an adult, they would have respected my choices when I was a kid and not made me do things I didn't want to do. This is a requirement. This means that I will probably not date anyone ever again. Not in this lifetime. Not in this world.

I did what I had to do to get by as a kid. I'm sorry, but if someone is completely disrespecting you by taking over your life and forcing you to do things you don't want to do, you have EVERY RIGHT to tell them to fuck off no matter how old you are and how old they are. Age doesn't make a difference. I do not regret any disrespectful things I did to adults, and I only wish I had done more of it.

I was a give-an-inch-take-a-mile kind of kid, but that's because what I WANTED to do was literally miles away from what adults had me doing, so I SHOULD have been taking those miles in the first place, not waiting for adults to give them to me.

My ex never approved of my tactics. Towards the end, I used to tell him stories like this one just to annoy him: When I was younger, brushing my hair always hurt my head and was miserable. But I quickly learned which kind of brushes and combs hurt less than the others. I liked wide-toothed combs and brushes - the wider, the better. I figured that the wider the brush was, the less work you'd have to do because some of the snarls would be so tiny that you could pass the brush over them without actually untangling them. It felt like I was getting away with something, and I loved it. At some point, my mom found this really wide-toothed comb, and I used only that comb for years until I lost it somewhere at college.

At some point when I was younger (around 8-10 I think), I read that it's not sanitary to share hairbrushes. I couldn't care less about something like that. It wasn't something that personally grossed me out or anything. But when I read this information, in a book written by Adults Who Know What's Best for You, I decided that I would cling to this idea that you're not "supposed" to share brushes for sanitary reasons because then I would not have to use any brushes or combs that weren't mine. I knew people would accept this reason more than they would accept my real reason. One time I was staying with my cousins for a few days and forgot my hairbrush, and I did not brush my hair for about three or four days. My aunt wanted me to brush my hair, but I insisted that you weren't "supposed" to use anyone else's hairbrush because I knew anyone else's brush would hurt my head and be more work than my special wide-toothed comb. (I lucked out that my mom wasn't there. I was just with my dad and I'm not sure he even noticed that my hair wasn't brushed).

When I told this story to my ex, he didn't like it. But when I told it to my friend Eli, ze didn't even see what was so devious about it. Ze said to me that this story was on the level of saying, "I was hungry, so I ate food." You do what you need to do to get by in a world where people won't respect your consent and your real reasons for doing things, where most adults are assholes who think they own you.

I would only ever date someone who would be on my side when I tell them stories like this, who would have respected my consent when I was a kid.

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