Sunday, January 18, 2015

The Story of a Good Guy

Once upon a time, there was a good guy. He was good because he did something very nice for other people. He made pizzas for them. This guy loved to make pizzas, and he loved to make other people happy by bringing them pizzas. He always gave away pizzas for free, asking nothing in return. Everyone agreed that he was a good guy.

Although he never charged anyone for his pizzas, he got things in return that were more than money could buy. Things like friendship, popularity, and social power. While he never directly exchanged pizza for favors, he could ask anyone he wanted for a favor and they would do it for him. They felt like they owed it to him since he had been so nice to them by giving them pizza. He could easily get a group of people to come to any event he wanted as long as he promised to make pizza. And whenever he had a conflict with another person, everyone would jump to his defense no matter what he had done. Regardless of anyone else's claims, people couldn't see how someone who makes free pizzas for everyone could have done anything wrong. He was a good guy, after all.

He shared his niceness with everyone. When someone said, "No thanks, I'm not hungry right now," he'd still give them a pizza. When someone said, "No thanks, I don't like pizza," he'd still give them a pizza. When someone said, "No thanks, I can't eat pizza because of health issues," he'd still give them a pizza. He'd often complain to his friends when people got annoyed with his pushing pizza on them, and his friends agreed that those people were being silly. All he was doing was being a good guy.

Then one day, he met someone who couldn't afford to buy enough food for their family. When they asked him if he'd make them a free pizza, he hesitated. He had never stopped and thought about how much of his own money he was spending on pizza ingredients. And when he looked at it that way, it didn't seem fair for him to be making free pizza for someone who couldn't afford it. It was clearly their own fault that they couldn't find a job to support their family. He turned down their request.

Then he met someone who loved pizza, but just couldn't handle making it. The physical effort involved in going out to buy all the ingredients, assembling the pizza, and safely taking it out of the oven was just too much for them. When they asked him for a free pizza, he hesitated again. He had never minded the work involved in making pizza, but after hearing this person explain how difficult the task was for them, it just didn't seem fair that he should do all that work for them. They should either deal with the work or accept that they can't have things like pizza. He turned down their request.

Then he met someone who was going through a very difficult time and could barely bring themself to get out of bed. They hadn't been eating enough lately since the effort involved in getting up, getting dressed, leaving the house, and having to interact with other people in an overstimulated environment in order to buy food was just too much to handle. Some days they would sooner let themself starve than leave the house. When they asked him for free pizza, he hesitated yet again. He had never given a second thought to the everyday tasks he needed to do in order to make pizza, but it really didn't seem fair to give free pizza to someone who was going to wallow in bed all day. They should pull themself up and get their own pizza. He turned down their request.

At the end of the day, he met up with his friends. He told them the stories of the people who had asked for his pizza, and his friends all rolled their eyes. How could those people expect anything from him? They weren't his problem. People really needed to take responsibility for themselves. "So," the guy said, "You guys up for some free pizza?"
"Well, we did just have dinner," his friend pointed out.
"And you already made us five pizzas this week," another friend added.
They all smiled at each other. "Who are we kidding? Of course we want pizza!"
So he made a perfect pizza to share with his friends, and they all loved him for it.

After all, he was such a good guy.


  1. And you don't serve free milkshakes THROUGH YOUR NOSE just to be polite!

    Oh wait, that's kinda gross :P