Saturday, January 10, 2015

The Price of Being with Me

A couple years ago, I used to do a particular task as a favor to my mom. Then one day when I offered, my mom said no. She said that while she appreciated the thought, I was always in a bad mood for the rest of the day when I did this task, and since she had to live with me, it wasn't worth the price.

I am quite expensive in this way, and I told my ex that from the start. I said that I don't do roommates. I gave him this long list of things that I was NOT willing to compromise on, and I told him that what would work for us would be living as next-door neighbors in an apartment complex. He just kept insisting, with no evidence, that we would someday live together.

I told him that I will never suck it up and deal, and that someone telling me to suck it up and deal is a friendship deal-breaker. I said I was not willing to function and he didn't believe me. Not willing to function is kind of like the situation that I described with my mom above. Everything had a price, and my prices are very high. If you drag me to do something that I don't want to do, I am not going be someone that you want to be around afterwards. Every good quality that I have is contingent upon certain needs being met, and if those needs are not met, I will not have those qualities anymore, and I will definitely not be a nice person anymore or function. I will shut down. I will be polite for about 30 minutes, and that's it. That's my threshold. After that time is up, if my needs aren't being met or if people aren't being nice to me or are pushing me to do things I don't want to do, I am not going to keep being polite, and I really don't care who I'm with, even if it's my boyfriend's grandparents. I am not willing to do what I "need" to do in that situation.

He said to me one time, after two years, "You know what I just realized - you really don't want to have to do anything." Saying that to me, if you really know me, is on the level of saying, "You know what I just realized - you have hair on your head!" I'm serious. I had been so explicit about not wanting to have to do anything from the start, and he acts like he's just made some new discovery. But worse, he said it like a diagnosis, like I was the one with the problem rather than the people and society who try to make me do stuff.

My prices are sky-high and if you can't afford them, don't buy the product. Believe me when I say that I don't do roommates. Believe me when I say that I'm not willing to do A unless B happens. Believe me when I say that I am only doing something under certain conditions, or with a certain understanding of how things are going to be.

When someone tells me that another person spent an entire trip or event complaining and ruined the fun for everyone else, I always side with the complainer. Why? Because I've been in the position of having a bad time while everyone else is expecting me to have fun, and let me tell you something - there is not a lot of acceptance of people who aren't flexible, chill, laid-back, go-with-the-flow types. There's not even a lot of support for people choosing not to go to things that they know won't be for them. There's not a big acceptance or understanding of high prices.

I have high prices. Either pay the price or don't buy the product.

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