Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Clinginess and Male Privilege

I identify very strongly as being clingy and it is not something I am planning to change. I am going to keep pushing that word through until I am only surrounded by people who are okay with me being clingy. Clingy is not anything that I ever plan to stop being.

Here's something interesting about clinginess: Eli and I were talking last night about male privilege and how certain traits of mine would be less undesirable if I were a guy. And I realized this: if I were a straight guy who had a girlfriend and I wanted to see her all the time, as much as I wanted to see my boyfriend, I don't think it would be so undesirable. It wouldn't be called clingy because clingy is an undesirable word. I think it would be perfectly normal and socially acceptable for me to want to spend a lot of time with my girlfriend, and it would perfectly okay for me to feel entitled to spend that much time with my girlfriend, in a way that it was never okay for me to feel entitled to spend that much time with my boyfriend. I don't think I would ever have to fight for this. I don't think I would have to tell everyone, "I'm clingy, and I'm not planning to change, and if that's not okay with you then you can fuck off!"I think it would just be acceptable for me to want to be with my girlfriend all the time and be in constant contact.

Most of my boyfriend's social circle didn't like me because I was clingy and wanted to spend a lot of time with him. But what I'm realizing now is this: I think that if it were the other way around, if my boyfriend had been more clingy and I were the one who didn't want to spend as much time with him, his social circle would dislike me just as much for that. If he complained to his friends and family that he never got to see me because I was always off with my family or friends or doing my own thing and wasn't willing to make enough time for him or check in with him, I think they would have disliked me just as much as they disliked me for being clingy. I'm not sure it was ever really about being clingy. I think it was about me being something that he didn't want me to be, that the guy in the relationship didn't want me to be.

If I were a guy and had a girlfriend, I could complain about her not spending enough time with me and other people would take my side. I could also complain about her being too clingy and the same people would still take my side. Funny how that works, isn't it?

I'm not a guy, so I will have to spend the rest of my days telling people to back off if they don't approve of how clingy I am. But I just thought I'd show all of you how things would be if they were reversed.

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