Sunday, December 21, 2014

My Relationship in a Nutshell

Him: You have chocolate. I want chocolate!

Me: Hmm. This is very expensive chocolate. I'm not sure you really want to pay the price for it.

Him: I want chocolate!

Me: (Holding a piece of paper) Here is what you would need to do in order to have this chocolate.

Him: (Tosses paper aside) I want chocolate!

Me: I don't think you're listening. (Grabs a very long sheet of paper). Here is a more detailed outline of what you're really getting yourself into by accepting this chocolate.

Him: (Tosses paper aside) I want chocolate!

Me: (Hands him a thick hardcover book). Here is a 100-page manual explaining everything that you'll have in your life, all the new burdens that you'll be carrying, once you have the chocolate in your hands. And don't worry about reading the fine print - I've especially highlighted the parts I think you won't like.

Him: (Tosses book aside) I want chocolate!

Me: Wow. You really still want the chocolate after everything I've shared with you? You must be awesome. (Hand him the chocolate).

Him: (Takes one bite. Pauses.) Aaaaahhhhhh!!!!! I don't want all this burden and baggage get me out get me out aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!

Me: (Glaring, ready to smack him).

Him: Can I keep the chocolate?

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