I really wish you would write more on Facebook, Twitter, or someplace where I could stalk you. How the hell am I supposed to brag about how I'm gonna have a way better New Year's Eve than you if I can't even see what you're planning to do? How can I brag about having a better sex life than you if I can't even see how yours is? I think you do this on purpose. Fuck you.
January 9th falls on a Friday this year. Of all years. I'm definitely gonna have a better day than you that day. I'm gonna go out and do something really wild like have sex with tons of different people or go to a play party or something WILD and I'll be having the time of my fucking life while you remember what day it is and miss me. I won't miss you, I'll be having way too much fun that night.