I wanna punch someone for real. I wanna have a physical fight with someone and win! I never got to fight with anyone. I never played in the street unsupervised. It was always supervised recess in our goody goody Catholic school uniforms where we all had to play nice. I never wanted to play nice. I hated playing nice. We never got to fight. I want to beat someone up. They say the pen is mightier than the sword but writing is not giving me enough satisfaction as beating someone up would. And even writing is quite suppressing. At Colby art classes were all like, you can't be angry, you have to be all kind and loving and warm and fuzzy toward your reader. There was no place to write stuff out of anger. No place to do anything out of anger it's like let's all hold and hands and roast marshmallows around a fucking campfire. Well you know what? I don't want to do that I just want to punch someone for real.
If I had one day to be a kid again, I would get in fistfights with all the kids I wanted to hit back then because I'd be too young to get arrested, and when I got sent to the principal for hitting I would tell her to fuck off because I wouldn't be scared of her anymore. I never accepted anyone's authority over me, I was just scared of getting in trouble.
I am seriously praying I'll get on a reality show where I can punch all the people I want and get famous for it. I never wanted to play nice. I've always wanted to punch someone.