Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Thoughts

I think we got physical too soon. Not that I regret it - absolutely not. We had a wonderful 3 years and gave each other some of our wildest dreams and nothing can ever replace that connection. We were each other's first relationship, first time falling in love, first everything, and that's really, really special. I just think that the next time around, I would get to know the person first as a friend before getting physical, not just with sex, but even with cuddling.

See, physical contact creates a very, very strong bond for me. There were problems from the start, compatibility issues that I overlooked and didn't talk to anyone about. And if we hadn't started cuddling and doing physical stuff, I would have probably slowed down and questioned whether we should continue down this path or if we should maybe just stay friends. I would have asked that question very early on, like probably by the third month we were dating. Because he is a really sweet guy and I could definitely be friends with him even with all of the things that aren't quite compatible enough for a relationship. All my friends thought we were perfect and going to be together forever, but that's because I never talked to my friends about the problems we ran into. The problem is that once we started touching, I just felt so immensely attached to him that I wanted to make it work. And when I found out how compatible our sexual interests were, I was on cloud nine. We were off in this dream world having the time of our lives together, and I figured the other stuff that didn't work so well for me would work itself out. I just couldn't do or say anything that would jeopardize what we had, what we had waited so long for.

It was the first time for both of us, and I don't regret it at all. I love him so much and I wish it could have worked, but it didn't. And next time around, I will try to get to know the person first as a friend, so that I have a sense of where we're going before we get that super-tight attachment. Because if I'm really honest with myself, I knew early on that he and I didn't have the same values and priorities, that these things might be issues if we became in a serious relationship, but I was already too deeply attached to let go.

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