Monday, May 16, 2011

Truth or Dare

I still remember playing truth or dare at recess in first grade, when lying in the game seemed worse than lying in real life. The feeling of truth or dare has changed a lot throughout the years. In elementary school, it was a mostly just a fun game, with silly dares. Once we got to high school, most "truth" questions were about who you had a crush on, which was fine with me because I told my friends about crushes anyway (but this is a very private topic for some people, so not the best idea). But starting in college, the questions in games like truth or dare became more private - stories about what you've done sexually or while you were drunk. I hadn't done anything, but that in itself was something I didn't want to reveal.  I didn't want to be called out as Miss Innocent in front of the group because I didn't see myself that way.

When you auditioned for plays or singing groups at my college, you had to answer irrelevant questions, such as "What's the craziest thing you've ever done?" I always wrote about something a friend had done as if I had done it myself. Stretching the truth on these audition forms taught me how to do the same thing in games like truth or dare.  If I was asked about the last person I kissed, I would say "A boy I was in a play with," but I wouldn't mention that it was just a stage kiss in the play. I felt safer this way, but still left out. I longed for a wild story that would shock everyone on an audition form or a in a game of truth or dare. I considered doing things I didn't want to do, just to say that I had done them.

It's funny how the anticipation of things is so different from what actually happens.  Now I have a boyfriend, and I don't think I could have predicted how amazing everything actually feels.  It's hard to believe that I once thought that the point of all this was to tell everyone.  I used to say that I would throw the biggest party ever when I did certain things for the first time, only to realize that those things are the biggest party ever. Truth or dare is kind of like a one-night stand - telling people intimate stuff when you don't have an intimate relationship with them is supposed to be fun. I was never into one-night stands.  It also never made sense to exaggerate stories that meant nothing to me when I had tons of stories that meant everything to me. Truth or dare may be fun, but in the long run, it's more important to find people who like you for your real stories, whatever they may be.

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