Thursday, March 10, 2011

Why Shopping Isn't Fun

My favorite pattern
At first I was really excited about going bathing suit shopping today.  When I was in college, I had to wait until spring break to shop, and by then, everything was picked over.  This was the first time in a while that I've seen such a wide selection.  So I grabbed about six or seven suits in my favorite patterns and headed to the changing room.  But I was disappointed to find that having a choice of everything in the store didn't solve the problem I've had since I was fifteen.  The bikinis that I like - the ones that are bright, summery, and have wild patterns - are always made for girls who have really small boobs.  I always have to choose between showing more of my body than I want to or getting a bathing suit that I don't really like.  The last few years I went with bathing suits that didn't cover quite as much as I would have liked and figured I could wear something over them.  But what's the point of getting a bathing suit if you can't even wear it?

The closest I could find that fit
This year, since I went shopping early, I was able to find one that I like with a really good fit.  But it was nowhere near my first choice because it's classic rather than trendy.  It doesn't have that young, wild look that I love.  I hate the way we equate the word "wild" with "revealing."  We assume that someone who doesn't want to flash everyone at the beach must want an older, more conservative style.  My style is still what they put out for high school kids.  Just because my body has changed doesn't mean that my style has.

Every year I go through my clothes and find some that I can give away.  If I haven't worn something in a few years, I assume that I probably won't wear it again.  That rule has pretty much worked for me; I've never regretted getting rid of anything, until now.

I'm a person who dresses the way I feel - if I look happy and put together, it means that's how I feel inside, otherwise I wouldn't present myself that way.  For this reason, I decided to turn more emo during my second year of college, and as a result, I gave away a lot of fun, tropical, summery clothes that still fit because they passed the test of having not been worn for years.  But now that I don't feel so emo anymore, I look through the stores and I can't find anything like what I had in high school.  I wish I had held onto those clothes and waited to feel better.

When I think about it now, my true style hasn't changed much at all - it's my surroundings that make a difference.  In high school, it was perfectly acceptable not to talk in class or express any interest in school, and then be bouncing off the walls about something else.  But in college, this wasn't socially acceptable, and I chose to identify as an unenthusiastic person because it wasn't okay to be selectively enthusiastic the way I was in high school.  In high school, I wore bright, fun clothes because I liked them, but also to be rebellious. Wearing stuff like that to class meant that my mind was elsewhere - I was thinking about the weekend and the personal life that I actually cared about.  Really, I dressed the way I did for the same reason in college, except that in college, dressing like you're happy indicates that you're happy to be there, not that you're tuning out school and making fun plans for the summer.

It's really hard to find the same kind of clothes I had before - like the bathing suits, the stuff I like best is made to fit younger girls.  I look at the pictures from a few years ago and wish I could just open my closet and have everything back again.

**Update: I ended up finding something closer to what I was looking for when my family was on vacation in the Caribbean and I found the perfect bathing suit in Florida. My wardrobe is restored, and I will be much more careful with it now. I will think about why I really haven't worn something, and hold onto it if I think I may ever feel like wearing it again.

No comments:

Post a Comment